A Hazy Destination

The first time I was posed with the horrid question which haunted me for the rest of my waking hours was when I was in third grade. I continue to wonder what kind of sadistic adult would wish to destroy the innocence and joys of being a child by doing so, but the damage was done. And it was always the adults who were interested in the dismal questions and the confusion it arose in my mind was like sand flying in the air as wild horses race across muddy roads.

“What do you want to do when you grow up?”

My first reply, which would soon change into everything humanely possible, ranging from clone specialist to dog-walker, was ‘astronaut’. Gazing up at stars, I wanted what seemed far and out of my reach.

After several stacked encyclopedias and glow-in-the-night stars paneling the walls of my room, ‘Detective Q’ engrossed my young and naïve mind. I used to go digging in paper bins looking for clues to mysteries yet to happen. So I wanted to become a really ‘cool detective’- with a golf hat and a magnifying glass.

As I crossed my ‘Harry Potter’ years (the fandom still occasionally resurfaces), I landed in the debating club of high school. As I flourished there, suggestions of becoming a lawyer poured into my clueless mind and it didn’t seem like a poor option: high powered careers of those women in smart suits and black shoes which clicked as they walked raising storms.

But eventually, having taken science subjects, I ended up with engineering on my plate- it seemed like a very safe bet. There was but one wild tantrum I threw- I was never given a real chance to pick what I wanted to study and I said I wanted to study medicine. But the cries and pleas were dismissed that it was my addiction to ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ and ‘House M.D’ speaking. While I continue to marvel at the wonders of diagnostic medicine, I squirm at the sight of blood and hospital smell has me running a mile in the opposite direction.

As I come close to graduating, the question is posed once more. “What next?”, which makes me wonder why there isn’t a law against asking questions which cause people sometimes to run around in circles and sometimes off a building top. But this time around, I am determined not to harbor any images and in the seconds I took to write this particular line, I have thought about writer, politician and linguist as a career.

Why did we never have a course on ’How to pick your career’ among all the subjects we intensely studied? A career carnival wasn’t adequate to equip us with dealing with the mental stress that follows once we hear that question. And don’t even dare suggest- find what you’re passionate about. I am one of those unfortunate ones who doesn’t have a life-changing dream which suddenly lights up one single road shrouding the others in darkness. Instead, I have different dreams every night- very colorful ones, too!

So I shall keep swimming through life. It doesn’t matter that the direction is not very clear. Maybe along the way while I continue learning everything I come across as even mildly interesting, I will know where to stop. On the other hand, even if I never stop, it wouldn’t be quite as bad!

Image

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “A Hazy Destination

  1. Dear Pilgrim,
    I really did enjoy this piece. I couldn’t help but think that the character in your story who worries about future career paths is in many ways typical of their generation. Evidence suggests your character may well have many careers in his/hers lifetime. There’s even the notion that a job/career may emerge that hasn’t yet been invented.
    I like the idea of ‘swimming through life’ thereby encountering what confronts you as a challenge with possibilities. Whatever occurs learning will always be interesting mild in value or life changing, it’s being awake to take advantage when it comes your way. You write very well always keep that going.

    • Dear Tommy,
      Thank you so much for always stopping by and for all the words of encouragement! I’m glad you think the character will work in different careers- this particular story- its not fiction..it’s all me 😀 And I love the idea of experimenting with my careers and testing the waters…Hope my future posts interest you just as much.

      • Thank you I do wish you well. For one finishing a career to one beginning let me tell you it’s a great ride bumps and all.

  2. So I shall keep swimming through life. It doesn’t matter that the direction is not very clear. Maybe along the way while I continue learning everything I come across as even mildly interesting, I will know where to stop. On the other hand, even if I never stop, it wouldn’t be quite as bad!
    YES.. YES…I am with you on this

  3. It is never too late to reinvent yourself, or build a life around reinventing your career. I have moved through many jobs in my 10 years of posst collegiate life and can say that my passion is in the job of the moment, too, not an idea of a future. I have no idea how long I will stay in this field, it could be another year or forever, who knows. Many of us find peace in defining ourselves not through our work but through our joys… perhaps you are one of those people, too!

  4. It sound like you have many opportunities and you will find the career that is best for you. Just make sure that you are happy with your choice and if you aren’t try something else. All the best!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s