Who is the one person you hope isn’t reading your blog? Why?
Blogging is one space where I can vent and not hurt her. I can’t talk to my friends for fear of reaching her ears nor my brother who is so tired of it, he gives me one disappointed look and tells me to get over it. Easier said than done.
Well, the sob story is that I have now liked him for a year. Asked him out and he said no. We became close friends- during the entire time of which I had more feelings for him than my other friends could guess. I keep evading the issue as well and started hanging out a lot with this guy other leading my friends and the original guy( say M, for simplicity) to believe I was over M. But when we separated for summer vacation is when I realized I’m in love with him.
Well, too bad for me because now, my best friend is dating him. And that just makes it harder. I thought when he leaves college everything would settle and I had to make it through just four months. But now my best friend, A is involved and if she finds out, she would be hurt. I can’t speak to M normally anymore. The group dynamics is all ruined and I fear times when we need to hang together. But I know that A should never find out because she would feel guilty and she shouldn’t. She can never find out about this blog. She is happy with him and I don’t want to be the one to take that away.
I’m trying hard to get over him. And sometimes I think I have. But other times when I’m watching a rom-com or reading Jane Eyre again, I think of him. I write about love and his thoughts fill my broken heart. So when I do think of him, I want this space to vent knowing that I won’t hurt her.
I know I shouldn’t be angry with M, but that’s a stage in getting over him I suppose. I think about him and am filled with resentment for liking him and hate for complicating things for me. And then there’s A, who I adore and she is happy after so many disappointing relationships.
Sorry, folks-this one has been all me, me, me. It is no life or death if A finds out and no CIA or gangsters involved. But I feel free her knowing she wouldn’t read any of this. I don’t feel wicked for talking about my feelings.
For now, I’m going to forget all of this and distract myself with how hot Jesse Spencer is in House. Cheers!